Trusting God

Okay...Well, I am again writing as I have a sick family. Wells has the throw up virus and so does Chris. And I know you want to see pictures, but I need to share this. If you have been reading my blog, you know that the last four months have been incredibly tough on our family. And we still have the black cloud above our house!! But in the midst of all of this I have prayed and prayed and prayed for God to heal our house and allow us to get some sleep. And I have worried myself sick almost daily. I can even hear Claire crying when she is not! Sleep deprivation = crazy me! Anyways, I was sitting rocking Claire tonight, in tears, praying over her to not get the throw up virus. She had a temperature and didn't eat well today. I was all alone with Wells in the next room. Chris was at his parents and my mom had thrown her back out a few days ago. So I had no one to help me. And then it hit me, this is exactly where God wants me. He was waiting for me to reach out directly to him and not to chris, my mom, his mom, or friends. He wanted me raw and he wanted me broken. He wanted me to not ask him anything, but just to be still and TRUST HIM. It was as if I could hear his voice asking me, "do you really trust me? do you trust me to take care of your children? Do you trust me to take care of your husband? Do you really believe that I love you and your family more than you do? If so, you must give it all up." So I sat there and said "i give." I said, "I trust you God" and I meant it. I just needed to quit feeling sorry for myself and quit worrying and trust God. Now, I am not saying I am just completely at peace and that I am done worrying (that would not be normal for a mom not to worry about sick kids and hubby). But I am slowly giving it to God and giving him control. I so often take control before I allow God to and I allow my mind to wonder. I am praying now for God to guard my thoughts and my mind and trust God minute to minute of every day. Please pray that I can continue to do this and just live for the moment. I know that "this too shall pass" and I will be stronger because of it. It is just so hard to wait when we want our trials to end. To me this has been way too long, but God will close this trial when He chooses. And for that I am choosing to be thankful. Not that I want to be thankful, but I am choosing to be. Thank you God that I don't have to go through this alone.